Degree Awarded: M.F.A. Literature. American University This original memoir in essays examines the histories of belonging and of grief in the author’s life since she stopped believing in the God of her childhood and adolescence. The author confronts herself in each essay, refusing to allow the simplest answer to suffice when she asks the questions: Who am I, now? and, What does this mean? In this memoir, the author grapples with her identity as it relates to the lived experiences of surviving sexual assault, miscarrying a pregnancy, getting married at the age of twenty-two, and choosing to terminate a second pregnancy. This memoir is the author’s attempt to organize her experiences and her emotions into containers, literal and metaphorical, that will help her make sense of the realities of her past, present, and future.